Przypomniał mi się jeden stary dowcip. Tak gdzieś jeszcze z czasów rządów AWSu.


Nowy poseł pyta kolegę:
-Jak ci się to tak udaje, pijesz czały czas po tych bankietach, a żona cię zawsze do domu wpuszcza?
-Bo widzisz, na wszystko trzeba mieć sposób. Kiedy wracam pijany, rozbieram się szybko do naga, przerzucam wszystkie ciuchy nad bramą i dzwonię do domofonu. Żona widzi mnie w kamerze, i żeby uniknąć skandalu nie tylko mnie wpuszcza, ale czasem wciąga za bramę na siłę.

Świeżo upieczony poseł przemyślał słowa kolegi, ale wiedział, że musi je zmodyfikować, bo nie ma (jeszcze) samochodu z szoferem, ani willi, i ledwo co mieszkanie w Warszawie kupił. Wrócił więc z przyjęcia do domu metrem, rozebrał się do naga, zastukał do drzwi (przypomniał sobie, że dzwonek szwankuje, a judasz zatkany, postanowił więc zaskoczyć żonę wrzucając ciuchy znienacka), drzwi się otwarły. Wrzucił w nie ubranie i wtedy usłyszał te straszne słowa "Następna stacja Pole Mokotowskie".

Kapitan Robau - Chuck Norris Star Treka

-The Kelvin’s shields aren’t for keeping weapons out… they’re for keeping Robau in.
-Captain Robau’s tears cure Borg assimilation. Too bad he has never cried.
-The Neutral Zone doesn’t exist to protect the Federation from the Romulans. The Neutral Zone exists to protect the Romulans from Captain Robau.
-The new Enterprise is being built on the ground because Captain Robau plans to lift it into orbit.
-Captain Robau doesn’t use the transporter. He just leaps down to the surface.
-Captain Robau doesn't die. He just takes a pit stop in hell.
-Captain Robau eats duranium and shits photon torpedoes.
-Captain Robau built Indiana Jones's Freedom Fridge in a cave! With a box of scraps!
-Captain Robau never reads menus when eating at a restaurant. Whatever he orders, they better make it.
-When Romulans go to sleep, they double-check their closets for Captain Robau.
-V'Ger needed to merge with its creator, because a higher plane of existence was the only place V'Ger could hide from Captain Robau. V'Ger was wrong.
-Among the Romulan medical community, death is referred to as Robau Syndrome.
-Captain Robau never runs out of Captain Robau jokes.
-The First rule of Captain Robau is: you do not talk about Captain Robau.
-There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Captain Robau.
-Captain Robau does not Chainsaw Locust in Gears of War, he IS the Chainsaw.
-Captain Robau grinds his coffee with his teeth, and boils the water with his rage.
-Spock is constantly shouting in "The Cage" because he can't hear his own voice over the sound of how awesome Captain Robau is.
-Captain Robau is the walrus, goo goo ka joob.
-Sisko and Picard are arent really bald. They just want to be like Captain Robau.
-Captain Robau wants Tony Stark to deliver him a Jericho missile.
-If Captain Robau and Admiral Bill Adama got into a fight the universe would explode.
-Captain Robau once shot down a Romulan Bird of Prey with his finger by yelling "PEWPEW".
-Captain Robau makes Klingons piss themselves and shit their pants.
-Captain Robau is so tough that when he goes mountain climbing, he's not pulling himself up, he's pulling the mountains down.
-Nero didn't travel back in time to eliminate Jim Kirk. His original plan was to eliminate Captain Robau, but he got scared and settled for an easier target.
-The Kelvin doesn't need deflector shields. Captain Robau simply scares the disruptor beams away.
-The Kelvin doesn't need two warp nacelles to create a symmetrical warp field. Captain Robau simply wills it to happen.
-When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Incredible Hulk. When the Incredible Hulk gets mad, he turns into Captain Robau.
-Captain Robau never actually gets beamed anywhere. The universe beams itself around him.
-Captain Robau was Jean-Luc Picard and Benjamin Sisko's childhood hero. Kirk had to settle for Jonathan Archer.
-Captain Robau is the perfection towards which the Borg strive.
- That God head thing in Star Trek V wasn't exiled to the center of the galaxy he went to hide from Captain Robau.
- That Borg didn't open a gateway to fluidic space to assimilate species 8472 they did to get away from Captain Robau.
- A Q tried to mess with Captain Robau,he hasn't been seen scince.
- The real reason the Breen are so secritive is that their afraid Captain Robau will come to their planet and bitchslap them around.
-The Cylons were so afraid of Captain Robau that they nuked 12 planets just to kill him. He survived......oops, wrong show...and thats not even my quote.
-Jack Bauer wears Captain Robeau pyjamas.
-Captain Robau doesn't do time travel. All he has to do is look at the future and the future comes over to ask what he wants. Captain Robau is just that badass.
-Humanity didn't come together in peace after First Conntact with the Vulcans because of finding out aliens exist. They did it because they knew if they didn't Captain Robau would will himself back and time and kick their asses, and then sleep with their wives.
http://www.startrekmovie.com/forums/showthread.php ?t=5085
http://www.trekbbs.com/showthread.php?t=76045

Coś w miarę świeżego:

Państwo Putinowie przygotowują się do wyjazdu do Polski na obchody 1-go września. Walizki już zapakowane, w zasadzie są gotowi do wyjścia, pani Putinowa pyta jeszcze męża: Wołodia, a gaz ty zakrutił?

W SF trafiają się jasnowidze (tego ineszczęsnika z "Gatunku" litościwie pominę) ale mamy jeszcze precogów Dicka, zdolności Paula w "Diunie" i bohatera tytułowego powieści "The Stochastic Man" Silverberga. Zatem możę dowcip o jasnowidzu?

Jasnowidz mówi do mężczyzny:
- Jest pan ojcem dwójki dzieci.
- Tak pan myśli? - zaśmiał się mężczyzna i sprostował:
- Jestem ojcem trójki dzieci.
- Tak pan myśli? - zaśmiał się jasnowidz.

(kanna, coś czuję, że Ci się spodoba... )

The D i Q - kawały genialne - z dość wymownym przesłaniem.